Breathing Compassion

If you are looking for my short novel, A Matter of the Soul, scroll down to the next post or click here.


I planned a post like this a couple of weeks ago, and then suddenly the world changed. Business as usual is no longer possible. People are confused, frightened, sick, dying. It was like we blinked and everything fell apart. Businesses closed, jobs disappeared, store shelves were bare, and every day there are more sick with COVID-19.

People are left wondering how they can cope and how they can help. The advice is to stay at home and to look after your neighbours, particularly the elderly. It’s not very helpful advice. Many of us don’t know our neighbours. And if we do, we might not have shared our digital contact information with them. It is not easy to help someone while you are sitting on your couch.

I care, but what can I do? How often have you asked yourself the same question? Some would say pray, but traditional prayer means calling on someone outside yourself and all you can do is wait and hope they fix the problem. It lets you do something, by speaking the words of your prayer, and is itself a form of connection, but it might leave you feeling like a bystander. It might leave you wishing there was more.

So now what? We have compassion, but what do we do with it?

There is this:

A couple of years ago I read a book by Pema Chodron, a Bhuddist teacher. This was where I first learned about Tonglen breathing, as it applies to Universal Compassion. I myself do not ascribe to any particular teachings, Bhuddist or otherwise, but I have used this breathing ever since because compassion is important to me.

It is deceptively simple. Just long, slow breaths. You breathe in the pain, the discomfort, then breathe out some ease, some relief.

Why might this work?

We are all connected, you and I and your friend shaking with anxiety and the person with Covid-19 lying under a respirator and a South American person sweltering in a heat that never allows their perspiration to dry and the pangolin curled up in a cage.

We are all connected in the Soul. It’s not just your soul or my soul but the Soul of the whole universe, bigger and fuller than we can ever imagine. When you breathe as deep and slow as you are able, you reach to the place where you can sense your soul. You may not sense it at first, but it is there, in the stillness. This is the place where we are all connected. When you breathe in, you can take with you the pain of others. Take it down with you to that place of stillness where it can be transformed, and then breathe out some ease.

Here is something to be aware of about the physical act of this breathing. For some reason, it doesn’t come naturally to us to breathe like this. I think the busy-ness of our lives causes us to become accustomed to short little breaths. You might find it necessary to hold your hand on your stomach to remind yourself to push out your stomach so that your diaphragm has room to move down to allow you to take a deeper breath.

Ignore the voice that says this is crazy or hokey or non-scientific. We don’t have the luxury right now of holding onto rigid ways of seeing things. Give yourself a chance to try this kind of breathing. It can allow you to send compassion to anyone, anywhere. It requires concentration, but you don’t have to maintain it for a long time. Once you have a sense of it, you can do it for a minute here and there throughout your day, according to what you are able.

As the world seems to grind to a halt, except in hospitals, stillness might be just what we need to help us to find true compassion.

Introducing: A Matter of the Soul

A Matter of the Soul

Peyton, who lives a pretty ordinary life in our current times, becomes increasingly frustrated by all the things that are going wrong. Sleeplessness finally drives them out of their bed one night, into their car and down the highway.

But Peyton is not as alone in this universe as they think. There are people and circumstances that come together to send them on a spiritual journey and help them find answers to questions they didn’t know they had.

I intended to write a blogpost about my progress regarding the short novel I was working on, but I just kept working on that novel, unable to be distracted. Instead, this post is the official announcement of a completed novel.

A Matter of the Soul is a written, revised and formatted book. It is ready to be enjoyed by others. Personally speaking, this is a first for me and feels very momentous! I’ve written a number of novels and embarked on the revision process, but this is the first time I’ve completed the process. I understand now that this is the first story I’ve written that needed to be completed and shared. The others were all preparation.

I’ve tried to express before that this novel is so much more than just the thoughts in my head. It is so much more than just something written by a single person. For those of us living in the mainstream individualistic society of today’s world, this is a difficult concept to understand or to express. I am one with all of life, with the very universe, and so, this novel comes from me and from all with whom I am connected. I am honoured to have been the one whose job it was to write this story. I believe the Universe, the fullness of life, wants you to be able to read this story.

And so, I am offering A Matter of the Soul in digital form to any who desire it, without restriction. There are those who would say this is not a wise decision. I’ve been told that if you don’t put a monetary value on something, then people don’t think it is worthwhile. But this book is not intended to feed capitalism. It is truly a matter of the Soul.

From a purely financial perspective, I wrote this story in my spare time and as such do not need it to be my source of income. As long as I have a computer and internet access, I can freely offer digital versions. Also, no one is restricted from passing the story on to others. I would love to have print copies; if any money becomes available I will arrange printing according to available funds.

There is a great deal of uncertainty in the world around us right now. My wish for this story is that it gets passed from person to person, taking full advantage of this digital world we are currently living in. I believe there will be people who find some peace within themselves after reading it. I will attach my name to the story, because I am a real person living in the here and now who wrote this book, but I have no need to have my name or reputation become anything more than just me, just one of us.

Edit: to acquire a copy of A Matter of the Soul, you can go directly to this dropbox link to download a copy. In the increasing uncertainty brought about by Covid-19, I want to be sure you can access a copy without having to look for the contact form.

To acquire a copy of A Matter of the Soul, use the contact form on this blog. I will respond by sending you a copy in the format you request, as I am able.

Please note: If you are using a cellphone to access my blog, it might be necessary to scroll down and tap on “View web version” in order to find the contact form.

This book is available in three formats: pdf, epub and mobi. Reading it as a pdf file in a pdf reader may require you to read it by scrolling. A pdf file is the smallest in file size. Reading it as an epub or a mobi file will allow you to read it in book form, by flipping pages. They will require a reading app or an e-reader, but appear from my tests to work best in the brand name apps/ereaders. Most apps are offered freely and can be installed on any device. The file will be sent to you by email, as an attachment.

Revisions are underway! And a poem

Writing is such an interesting process, for me at least. I hope that something I write will be enjoyable and benefit other people, but first it has huge benefit to me. I continued to be amazed at the things I learn and the ways in which I grow as a person.

Writing this novel last November really taught me to trust matters of the soul. That’s not an easy thing for us humans. There are so many outer things to distract us. So many expectations, so many worries, so much change. We so desperately need to pay attention to the internal things, and yet it seems life makes this more difficult all the time. It’s like the world around us has been systematically designed to distract us, to keep us outward focused, suggesting that peace is just an illusion.

This novel I wrote suggests peace is not an illusion. I find myself working at it day after day, at least a little, sometimes more. Just as the original writing of A Matter of the Soul was something I felt compelled to keep at, so is this next stage where I am making revisions.

At the same time, I have these worrying thoughts in my head that it’s not really a great story and people won’t enjoy it, or it won’t mean to others what it meant to me. I just keep pushing them aside. They’re just thoughts, just worries. I will keep working on it regardless.

As I write this, I’m about halfway through making my first revisions. Then I’ll export it to an electronic device and read it through again myself. Once I’ve fixed anything that stands out to me while I read it, I’ll seek a few readers to help me out. There are always things you can’t see when it’s something you’ve written yourself. I don’t want to seek perfection, but I do want it revised well enough that it’s a pleasant read. I don’t want mistakes or awkward writing to get in the way of the story.

In the meantime, my day job gives me time outside with children. Often, it’s outside, in the presence of trees, where I find inspiration. This week I wrote a poem I’d like to share with you. By way of explanation, Ringo is a dog who lived with us recently and taught me so much. I miss his bodily presence but rejoice in his being-ness.

Right before my eyes
On a cold winter morning
Woodpecker flits
From branch to branch
I glory in the view
Red patch
Loud contrast of black and white
I ponder the food it finds
Completely invisible to me
I rejoice in its liveliness
In its alive-ness
I smile
I grin, ear to ear

It’s the soul of the universe
Manifest in this little creature
Manifest
In the bumblebee I watched
Hovering over tiny flowers
In the cut grass
As I sat alone
Bereft of Ringo’s bodily presence
Manifest in every dog
In every creature

The soul of the universe
In Ringo
In you
In I
Connecting us all

"A Matter of the Soul" -- Draft complete!

Another November has passed, and the busy-ness of “Christmas” is now on its way out. I’d like to reflect upon my Nov 2019 writing, to share some of the process.

My last post was written on the first day of November, before I started my novel. It was an unusual post for me, written quickly without much thought or revision. Once I’d written it, thinking it was just for me, to get me started, I realized it needed to be shared, so into my blog it went.

November is a special month for me, because it’s the one month of the year I give myself permission to put writing ahead of anything I’m able to set aside. That keeps me focused on writing, and pretty eager the whole month through.

This past November was different. It was, like the title of the story I was writing, a matter of the Soul. I felt this strong urge to get the story written, and a sense that the story came from deep inside me, not a product of my mind's imagination. It reminded me of what I’ve read about some painters: they are driven to keep working at a particular project and they need to keep at it until it is done.

But unlike painting, writing requires a person to get very involved with words and thoughts. And, for me, life still had to go on as usual. My job requires my full presence. Our family needed to eat and have clean clothes and such. So it was necessary for me to ensure that I stopped to breathe deep and centre myself. I often found myself repeating the reminder, “it’s a matter of the soul.”

I started writing on the first day of November, without a distinct plan other than a sense of what I needed to accomplish with the story. About mid-way I stopped paying attention to my word count. I had already told myself it didn’t matter what the numbers were, but still, it was getting in the way. My goal was to write a story, not to reach the 50,000 word goal that is built into the NaNoWriMo system. It helped to ignore the count of words. I kept writing, and when I worried about getting done or where the end of the story would be, I reminded myself that the story was coming from within and it would happen as it needed to. The story was finished on the last day of November!

During December I set the story aside, although I kept feeling it calling me back. I have work to do before I can share the story. At the end of December I took a quick look at the first scene, ready to start the process. I realized, as is true of every novel, that the beginning needs to be revised. But what I really need to do first is read through the entire story. I need to let it settle back into me, but now with some of the distance of being the reader and not just the writer immersed in the creative process.

I have written every November for the last eleven years. In that time, I have written novels, short stories, and poems. Some of them have been shared with a few people, but other than the poems I have posted here on my blog, nothing has been published, either formally or informally. I have the sense that everything I’ve written so far has been a part of the process for preparing me for this story. This story will be finished and shared, for any who wish to read it.

NaNoWriMo 2019

So many ideas, none of them a story. A childhood without a muse, without fantasy, stuck in boxes, hidden deep, knowing only what is outside. Years later, learning to be, to dream, to sense, to be truly alive. So much to unlearn. So much seeking. So much change.

And now, embarking on the hidden novel. The novel that will be formed from my thoughts and feelings and sensings and dreamings. From my musings. A novel that will come from within. Not from the recesses of my mind, where forgotten details lie. It will come from within my soul. From the womb where the little girl hid her fantasy doll. From the deeper womb where the little boy hid his entire self. It will be born of magic, magic of the soul, of the universe. It will be born of great things, greater than I can comprehend. Greater than any mere human can comprehend. For we are so limited.

I sit here, not believing I just wrote about greatness. I’m just me, little old me.

But, from Jan’s post:

I claim this!

I have all the power within me. And I intend to do all I can to access that power, to let it be the driving force in this novel. My mind is the supporter. My fingers that type, my eyes that see the words pop onto the screen, my ears that listen to Loreena McKennitt, they serve my Soul.

My Soul. Our Soul. The heartbeat of the universe.

My poem from last November:

Breathe
Deep
Slow
Let your diaphragm move down
To your stomach
Down to your intestines
Stop and listen

Feel the stillness
Of that place
It is the stillness
Of a wise old tree
It is the vastness
Of the universe
It is the limitless space
Of your heart
It is the Soul of you
Inseparable from the Soul
Of all

Breathe
Out
Slowly
Release your breath
As your diaphragm moves up

You cannot keep
All
That vastness
That stillness
The Soul
To yourself

Breathe again
Whatever you take in with your breath
Discomfort
Your pain
Others’ pain
Anxiety
Is being transformed

Breathe deep
Again and again
Into your Soul
Allow yourself to be transformed

Release yourself
From the collective conscious
That puts human intellect
At the centre of everything

There is no centre
There is the heart of the universe
The Soul of all
In which you are
I am


Amen.